Selah

"I am speechless, but I can't keep quiet
And I am wordless, but I can't stay silent"

~Wordless (How Can It Be? ~Lauren Daigle)

I heard these words and it's exactly how I felt in regards to my conscious activity on social media. There have been a lot of words swirling in my brain. I have shared so much of others' words on Facebook that to others it might seem that I have said a lot. I have shared a lot. Information. Opinions. Knowledge. Bias. And I learned my lesson when I engaged with a troll on a comments section once. I know better. I have consumed Facebook voraciously when I know I shouldn't. But my anxiety, my need for more information in this time of uncertainty is driving it. I'm sure I'm annoying my Teacher Squad with my nagging and comments in our text thread but they love me, and I hope they know its all because I love them. During all of it, because of the nature of it, my thoughts are tremendously fragmented. My emotions, like many of us, have been a roller coaster ride. How can I possibly stay calm and sane for my children in the midst of this? How can I be anything but calm and sane for the sake of my children in the midst of all of this? The dichotomy of life right now is as mutable as the virus itself. "Every human being is made up at once of his conscious activity and his irrational experiences." ~ Marcea Eliade Life is just that. It's two fold always. It is a balance between the profane and the sacred, the corporeal and the ethereal, the touchable and the unimaginable, the things we can control and the things we can't.

In between my anxiety and rage cleaning, I've had Lauren Daigle playing via iTunes fairly exclusively. Of course I sing along because she's in my range, and I can belt it out pretty well and singing is really therapeutic for me, but there are two songs in particular that really made me stop and concentrate on the lyrics I was singing. The first one is quoted at the start of this. But there is another one that seems very appropriate for all of us Americans, global citizens that are having difficulties staying put in our homes. For many, I understand that staying put is impossible because how else are we going to feed our families. We have to have income. For quite a few, humanity's entire health and wellness is dependent on them; they have to continue about their normal life at an intensity level that rivals fighter pilots, or so I imagine. But our bigger problem as a whole: we don't know how to rest. We "work hard, play hard." We know how to consume, not enjoy. We binge, we don't watch. We produce, we don't create. I'm just as guilty about this especially after I had kids. I don't paint any longer, nor do I practice yoga like I used to. Hell I don't even breathe like I used to before I had kids. But that's a different rant. En masse, we have produced a society that does not know how to rest. Our economy is completely unable to withstand a period of rest without the prospect of crumbling. We have allowed this. We have built a nation on the breaking backs of our people without providing them with the necessities to simply survive. This pandemic has opened my eyes to the broken constitutional promises within our nation. So the other Lauren Daigle Song...This Girl...

"I've been a winding road, oh, I know You know
Sometimes a stranger in my home
Keep going back and forth through the open door
I'm still learning to be still

This girl ain't going anywhere
This girl ain't going anywhere-ere-ere
I can promise You this, now I know for sure
This girl ain't going anywhere

I've run for miles and lost sight of where You are
But You have seen me all along
Maybe I'm the last to know when I've gone too far
And yet I'm always by Your side

This girl ain't going anywhere
This girl ain't going anywhere-ere-ere
I can promise You this, now I know for sure
This girl ain't going anywhere"

I just imagine multitudes of people in their houses roaming room to room not going anywhere, wandering aimlessly right now, trying to deal with the new normal, whatever that looks like in each house, with all the kids, with no kids, conference calls, silence, Peppa Pig, celebrity story time, or rockstar homeschoolers, learning to be still. 

There have been a lot of ideas floating around about how to fill the time that we've been given. We can't ignore those that suggest introspection, no matter how painful it might be. We are in a unique time in our history of humanity. We have been given the opportunity to pause. Pause. Hmm. This idea of pause is repeating itself too.

My pastor, Rev. Shyloe O'Neal, began our Lenten worship series about Selah a couple of weeks ago, and now we are in the midst of a great pause. Selah? What is Selah? No Kanye didn't coin it. It comes from the Psalms. The best the scholars can interpret it as is a musical pause, a coda, a rest. The Psalms after all are songs of praise and thanksgiving and worship. They weren't written with chapter and verse numbers. Scholars and interpreters added those later. These were meant to be sung. But there are moments of pause, moments to catch our breathe before we rush on and cry out. Pause before we demand change. Pause before we lament our utter bleakness. Pause before we tremble in relief and thanksgiving. 

"I cry aloud to God, aloud to God, that he may hear me. In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my soul refuses to be comforted. I think of God, and I moan; I meditate, and my spirit faints. Selah"

Maybe, just maybe, we humans need to pause because "our lives no longer belong to us alone; they belong to all those who need us desperately." ~Elie Wiesel 

We need each other. Human are hardwired for connection. Isolation is hard. We are experiencing this first hand now. Let's not let this shared experience go to waste. Pause. Breathe. Sit in the silence. When we reemerge, let's shake off the dust bring our dry bones to life.

Another Doctor's Appt

I went back to the fertility specialist today. 

Here's what I thought was going to happen. I thought we were going to go over the results of the MRI I had done a month ago, and he was going to tell us what our options are in moving forward. I thought I was going to get some answers. 

Here's what actually happened. This appointment was just a consultation, a new patient setup. I've already seen this doctor and filled out the appropriate paper work 2 months ago. But now where we go from here is back to square one. This doctor wants to run all the tests we've already had done again. Now I am officially his patient so let's go back to square one. He didn't tell me anything about the results of the MRI. He said that's not why we're here today and we'll discuss it when it becomes an issue. So what the hell did I just have done to me over the last 4 months?  I've fought offices trying to get someone to talk to me and even just set up appointments because no one would ever call me back. I feel like so much time has been wasted and I can't do a thing about it. I feel like my body is betraying me, failing me. I realize I'm not dying and there are worse positions to be in, but I feel like my body is retaliating against me for some unknown mistreatment in past years. I just want some answers. I can't do this unknown cause bullshit. Why?  Why is my body going through this?  What is the issue?  If science can fix it, shouldn't science be able to tell me the why?  

I'm emotionally exhausted. Maybe a cuppa would help. 

AAAAAGH!!!!!

A story from AP Mobile:

Missing Wisconsin infant found alive in Iowa

TOWN OF BELOIT, Wis. (AP) - Police say a newborn missing from a southern Wisconsin home has been found alive at an eastern Iowa gas station. Town of Beloit Police Chief Steven Kopp says an officer checking along an interstate near West Branch, Iowa, found the nearly week-old Kayden Powell on Friday morning. Gas station manager Jay Patel says the baby was found in a closed, gray plastic storage b...

Read Full Story

It's stories like this that upset me me a lot during this difficult time of infertility.  People have children and then lose them like this. You've got to be kidding me. How can such irresponsible people be given lives to care for when there are people like me who want that but can't have it?  Sometimes, this feels like a cruel joke. It feels like the Universe is laughing at me, and I can't figure out what I've done to deserve it. If I don't deserve it then what lesson am I supposed to learn from it?  

I think I might just need a cup of tea now. 

Semi results

I finally heard back from the doctors office today after I called them yesterday. The nurse told me that the doctor was still studying my MRI and that they would call me with the findings as soon as the doctor finished. But they have no idea when that would be, so they couldn't tell me when I'm likely to hear back now. So it was a lot of hurry up and wait. So, we keep waiting. We keep doing what we were doing, and continue trying along the same unproductive path because all the tests we've had run still aren't giving us any answers. It's been 3 months since we first saw the doctor. It's a good thing I don't have a terminal illness. I could've been dead already waiting on doctors to tell me what going on with me. It's only been nineteen months...what's a few more, right?  

Honestly, my biggest scare right now is that it's taking so long because she's finding evidence of cancer. Now, I've been around this disease enough to know that I don't have any symptoms. I have no reason to think that it is a possiblity other than family history and fear. But it is just that...fear. I can't help it. My great grandmother passed of uterine cancer. I have the strain of HPV that causes cervical cancer. I worry that it could be a result of all these tests even though I know better. I worry about the future of my nonexistent family if this is the case. And since I'm just hurrying up and waiting, I'm starting all kinds of hypothetical conversations that really could wait until we are in that particular situation. But I can't help it. 

So maybe soon, I'll have some more answers. Who knows?

More tests

Results of today:

My left Fallopian tube unclear. The right is completely functional. 

Doc wants an MRI to determine which of the two causes it is. 

Two possibilities why the left is like it is. One: it's blocked by rupture, mucus plug, or scar tissue resulting from infection. 

I had an infection about 7-8 yrs ago that went untreated because the dr office was restructuring and I fell thru their cracks.  But at the time I asked about future pregnancies and they wouldn't give me anything more than dunno, maybe. 

If it is just blockage then they do a minimally invasive cleaning of the ducts in Dallas. If that doesn't fix it or prove necessary then they go in thru my belly button to fix my tube scopically. 

The other possiblity is I have a unicornuate uterus which means I have a birth defect where my uterus never fully developed when I was in utero cooking. It means I only have one Fallopian tube. And that there is nothing to do other than try to increase ovulation. 

But if the latter is true our odds of a high risk pregnancy increase greatly.  Our miscarriage rate rises, as does the chances of a baby being born breach or early term.  Or having defects of its own. If it's the latter it also means that it's likely I only have one fully functioning kidney and was born with either a deformed one or only one. As well as other defects in my pelvic organs. 

The doc thinks that the latter is more likely because of what the fluoroscopy showed but wants conclusive proof from the MRI. 

I'm hurt, upset, scared, floored. Prior to today, the tests had all showed that everything was fine just inconsistent ovulation. But now to be told this, I just don't understand. How at 29 years old with regular doctor visits and follow up tests that either of these possibilities were not found already?  Hopefully I will have the MRI soon and will have more answers. 

My Prayer

Say something, I'm giving up on you.

I'll be the one, if you want me to.

Anywhere I would've followed you.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.

And I am feeling so small.

It was over my head

I know nothing at all.

And I will stumble and fall.

I'm still learning to love

Just starting to crawl.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.

I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.

Anywhere I would've followed you.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.

And I will swallow my pride.

You're the one that I love

And I'm saying goodbye.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.

And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.

And anywhere I would've followed you. Oh-oh-oh-oh

Say something, I'm giving up on you.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.

Say something...

I know it's a break-up song, but this is my prayer right now. The internal struggle, the impatience, the loss. 

Hannah's Lament

There was a certain man of Ramathaim, a Zuphite from the hill country of Ephraim, whose name was Elkanah son of Jeroham son of Elihu son of Tohu son of Zuph, an Ephraimite. He had two wives; the name of the one was Hannah, and the name of the other Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah had no children.

 Now this man used to go up year by year from his town to worship and to sacrifice to the Lord of hosts at Shiloh, where the two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas, were priests of the Lord. On the day when Elkanah sacrificed, he would give portions to his wife Peninnah and to all her sons and daughters; but to Hannah he gave a double portion, because he loved her, though the Lord had closed her womb. Her rival used to provoke her severely, to irritate her, because the Lord had closed her womb. So it went on year by year; as often as she went up to the house of the Lord, she used to provoke her. Therefore Hannah wept and would not eat. Her husband Elkanah said to her, “Hannah, why do you weep? Why do you not eat? Why is your heart sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons?”

After they had eaten and drunk at Shiloh, Hannah rose and presented herself before the Lord. Now Eli the priest was sitting on the seat beside the doorpost of the temple of the Lord. She was deeply distressed and prayed to the Lord, and wept bitterly. She made this vow:“O Lord of hosts, if only you will look on the misery of your servant, and remember me, and not forget your servant, but will give to your servant a male child, then I will set him before you as a nazirite until the day of his death. He shall drink neither wine nor intoxicants, and no razor shall touch his head.”

 As she continued praying before the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was praying silently; only her lips moved, but her voice was not heard; therefore Eli thought she was drunk. So Eli said to her, “How long will you make a drunken spectacle of yourself? Put away your wine.” But Hannah answered, “No, my lord, I am a woman deeply troubled; I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but I have been pouring out my soul before the Lord. Do not regard your servant as a worthless woman, for I have been speaking out of my great anxiety and vexation all this time.” Then Eli answered, “Go in peace; the God of Israel grant the petition you have made to him.” And she said, “Let your servant find favor in your sight.” Then the woman went to her quarters, ate and drank with her husband, and her countenance was sad no longer.

I miscarried today. I didn't have proof positive that I was pregnant before it happened. I'm sure many would've thought that it was just a tough or weird period. But we've been trying to get pregnant for 18 months now and I know my body really well. I knew a day or two after we conceived that I was pregnant. Call it intuition. I'm not sure how, but I just knew. So I started acting like I was. No caffeine. No alcohol. You know the normal steps. I even upped my folic acid intake to the recommended dose for pregnant women. Whereas I had been taking half of that. I didn't get too much of my hopes up because like I said, we've been trying unsuccessfully for 18 months. So yesterday I peed on a stick and it said negative. I didn't think anything of it because, again, 18 months. But then I started my period today. Or so I thought. 

Without getting too graphic, I started noticing signs that aren't normal for my periods. My temperature dropped by a degree which is a big deal when trying to get pregnant; discharge was significantly different, and cramps were worse than normal. After the event itself, my cramping stopped almost immediately. So I did what any sane person would do and turned to the internet. I needed an idea of what could be happening before I bugged my husband while he was busy catching babies on OB call. When I described everything to him and gave him what I thought was happening(miscarriage), he agreed with me. And then he began to cry. That's when it actually hit me of what was happening, what this meant for us in our journey to start a family. Suddenly, I felt Hannah's despair. 

I always felt for Hannah. I sympathized for her and never thought that I would need comfort from her story. I knew it was a good story for those going thru something similar. Again, I never thought it would be me. But tonight, I find myself rereading the passage above. Hannah's story is something more to me now.  So much so that I almost feel it appropriate to name my first child Samuel. But who knows when that will be. So for now, I'll cry. I'll mourn the loss of the potential and hope for the potential still there. 

But I did everything right!

I am consumed by inadequacy. My husband, Will, and I have been trying to start a family for 18 months now. I realize that's not that long if I look at some other peoples' struggles, but I can't help but see those who got pregnant by accident, those who decided to start a family and then a month later find out they are pregnant. Facebook is a horrible thing when you get to be my age. Half of the people you know are putting pictures of sonograms and newborns on their pages and when you are struggling its tough to scroll past. Of course I feel happy for them. I'm glad they have this joy. Their announcement isn't a slap in my face specifically, but it still has that "keeping up with the Jones'" aspect. But I see kids getting pregnant without meaning to and feel like a complete failure. 

We've had the tests ran. While I show no abnormalities in my blood work or uterus, I still have infrequent or inconsistent ovulations, even though I have regular periods. Will has provided two samples that have shown his swimmers are bountiful and normal, but slow. So my eggs are hiding, and Will's swimmers don't want to go anywhere. Our next step is to see a reproductive specialist, and so far from the research we'll move forward with me on fertility drugs(?) and Intrauterine Insemination, IUI. This is not at all how I pictured it. 

Of course I never really truly pictured how my family would start, but I always assumed it wouldn't be aided by anything else or so clinical. Right now, it seems so impersonal. I know that no matter how we do start a family, it will be in love, even in a clinical setting. But I can't help but grieve for my previous expectations. It seems that's all I can do anymore is grieve. I try and fail everyday with finding something that brings me any joy or distraction. I feel like there is this weight on me that I can't shake. My body is made for giving life, but mine is incapable it seems. I'm angry with the universe. I did envy thing right. I went to school, got 2 degrees, got married, all in the right order. So when my husband and I decided to have a child, it should have happened then. I can do anything I put my mind to. Yeah, right. 

So, I turn to the internet. I need to vent and process and grieve. I can only go over the same emotions so many times with my husband before he gets tired of it. 

It's been a STRESSFUL week.

My family has a curse. While we don't have conclusive scientific proof of it, my family seems to have a "pre-disposition for a mutation of the cells."  Those were the words from my grandmother's doctor 10 years ago. 

My great-grandmother, Gram we call her, died of uterine cancer when I was 3/4 years old. I have maybe 2 vivid memories of her and one is truly vivid because of pictures that support the actual fuzziness. She and her husband bought the farm in the Dirty '30's when land was, heehee, dirt cheap. It was here that our family, this awkward, out-spoken, opinionated, laughter filled family that I was raised in starts. It was this farm where I played and worked as a kid.  Every Saturday in July, we were in the corn fields at the butt crack of dawn. When it got too hot, we'd stop picking and move to the big tree for cleaning, cooking, and storing all the corn we had picked. It was this farm that raised generations of strong women that I strive every day to make proud and become. It was this farm that gave us our roots and our sweat or tear filled bonds of family. (See the picture for the actual connections)

When I was young, 5 or 6 ish, Jeanie began her fight with breast cancer, and eventually lost the battle when I was 15. That year, 2001, I attended 13 funerals. Mostly older family members who had lived a long full life, some friends' family, and a classmate. It was Jeanie's that affected me most lastingly. Because her funeral was the first time I saw the women in my family for what they truly are: strong, self-sufficient angels who embodied the famous British saying "Keep Calm and Carry On."  It was then in the middle of mass that I realized that these women are the legacy I was born into and must become. It was then that I took my first steps into that womanhood. 

When I was in middle school, Nana was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was around that time that genetic testing had become available on a consumer scale though still with a hefty price tag. A few of the women had the test ran specifically for BRCA which came back negative. We were surprised but thankful. She fought for 5(?) years before she joined Jeanie my senior year of high school. I still remember the exact moment she passed. I was in Mrs. Rasp's English class supposed to be taking a test, but I dozed off instead. I felt an overwhelming compulsion to lay my head down, so I did. And I dreamt. In this dream, Nana came to me and said goodbye and told me it was my turn to take care of them. I awoke with tears in my eyes  to Mrs. Rasp patting my back telling me my mom was on her way to get me. I knew. I knew before mom told me. The secretary let her come to the classroom to get me instead of sending the aid, and I hugged my mom, and we cried in the hallway of my high school.  Then I took my new role of support staff. I kept tissues handy, made calls to extended family so immediate could process, grieve and plan the funeral. I rifled through hymns, kept track of people coming and going and who brought what. I learned to anticipate the needs of others around me and tried to be intuitive to them so they didn't have to ask. 

Around the time Jeanie died is when Gramma was diagnosed with a cancer so rare it didn't have a name. To this day, all I know is it was a type of lymphoma. She suffered for only 3 years before she passed away. I was in Lubbock, having the time of my life my freshman year of college, and I wasn't there to see her deteriorate. I wasn't there in my role of support staff prior to her passing. Once I got home for Christmas, I knew how dire the situation was and didn't truly go back to school until 2 weeks into the next semester. I had friends that came to the hospital before she passed and friends that came to her wake and funeral after while I helped my mom plan the funeral, but I was neither the obviously grieving nor the support staff this time. I was in limbo and didn't know my role. I still feel the guilt of not being there before. When and if I pray, I don't pray to God. I pray to her. I ask for her forgiveness, guidance, and watchful eye. I began to question if I had the stuff in me that made her so strong. 

During this time, my mom and Suzi both had scares and benign tumors removed from different areas of their bodies. Jessi and myself have both had lumps found in our breasts that turned out to just be fibrous tissue that needs to be monitored regularly. I learned I have the strains of HPV that cause cervical cancer and thus am being seen regularly for prevention sake. 

Then 2-3 years ago, my uncle was diagnosed with renal lymphoma. Prior to this we had all assumed that it had something to do with chemicals on the farm. Mike being diagnosed surprised us. He got off the farm early, and he was a he. Our previous hypothesis was kinda shot to hell. During this time i got engaged at his house; my husband and I were married by him. But now here we are, Labor Day weekend and the family is descending for what seems to be the last weeks(hopefully) he has. He's had 2-3 emergency surgeries this week that have left him doing better than expected but we are all working around to the conclusion that this is it. It's just time that we are biding. 

This time I'm back in my role of support staff. I'm designated driver, gopher, and all around runner. This time around I know I am becoming the woman I looked up to so many years ago. I just hope one day that I have a daughter that is lucky enough to see and remember her MiMi and the woman she is. I hope one day to pass on this legacy of strong women that carry the world on their shoulders with dignity and grace. I know that at some time in my life this damned disease will claim me, so all I can do until then is aim for that same legacy and hope I make the rest of them proud. 

Slow Going Progress

So I've finally gotten back to working on the house. Not hardcore by any means but actually work on the house not furniture or art to put in the house. The bathroom that became the headache of the summer is starting to look like something to be proud of. There are real walls and paint on those walls now. 

Obviously there are places that still need work. The shower for example still needs to be tiled as well as the floor and the little half wall. I also need to repaint the cabinets but that's just one afternoon of work. 

I was going to paint this bathroom white with white tile, black granite counters and some smoky black glass accent tiles, but Will wanted color. He complained about the gray in the guest bath room even though there is some really pretty purple accents in it. So I mimicked our bedroom colors since this has been made into a true ensuite. I can't wait to see this bathroom done. Slowly, bit by bit, it'll get there. 

While You Were Sleeping...

That has become my new favorite phrase it seems. My husband is on night float at the moment, which means he works 14 hour nights, 5pm to 7am. I don't see him very much right now. It's ok. That's part of why he loves me, because I'm not very high maintenance and can occupy myself while he becomes a zombie for a couple weeks. So yesterday when he woke up I showed him the coffee table/ottoman i had bought at Canton Trade Days. See below. Today when he woke up I showed him the 3 end tables and one coffee table I refinished. I say refinished, more refurbished. See 2 of them below. These two are for nightstands in the guest bedroom. I think I did a pretty dad gum good job. 

Semi-Professional Help

My father in law and his friend came into town a couple days ago and are leaving in the morning bright and early. Is the master bath fully completed?  No. Not by a long shot. But it is at a point where I know what the hell I'm doing. So it's complete enough. See below.  

Two rooms, the formal living and dining room have floors. It can now be arranged and decorated to look like a home!!!!  It has me really excited because it looks really good. See below. The kitchen and den has crown molding again. The doors have been trimmed out as well as one window. 

It's really starting to look like a house. Pretty soon it will be a home. Yay!

Before:

During:

Before:

After:

Lessons from a NEW Homeowner

Lessons for hiring a contractor:

When someone says they found them on Craigslist, JUST SAY NO. Craigslist is 5 years past its prime and is now reserved for lonely hearts and serial killers. 

When you go ahead and hire him and your obnoxiously friendly dog growls at him, fire him. Dogs are the best judge of character in the 'verse. 

If for some reason you decide to stick with it, never, ever agree to any contract that asks for money before the job is done. Even if you are being bullied by the guy into signing, even if the price is really good. Never agree to this. I knew it but for some reason decided to sign anyway. 

If said contractor brings his dog and chains him in your front yard without asking, fire him. Highly unprofessional. I'm a dog person, but if I hired you to do a job, you conduct yourself as a professional and not some guy living in a van down by the river!

If you still decide to stick with said asshat, remember to be kind but firm. If you acquiesce, one time, the asshat will regard you as a pushover forcing you to assert yourself and look likes bitch for standing up for your home. 

We hired this guy to renovate and remodel our master bathroom. We agreed to 14 days and an amount. The payment schedule was broken down as 45% down, 45% upon demo and 10% upon completion. I thought that was a little crazy, but it needed to be done. During this time, he was Tiling the tub in the guest bathroom, and kept finding things he said he would just throw in for free. On day 18, he wasn't finished with the guest bathroom and demo'd the master. I said I wasn't comfortable paying him til at least one was fully completed. We got into a shouting match and came to an agreement that if he finished the guest I would stick with the contract. He hastily finished I paid him and haven't seen him. Today is day 23 and he has told us that he is not coming back and would send us an invoice of the work he provided. We've already paid him 90% of the agreed upon price and only demo'd the contracted work. I'm absolutely livid!  I know I made mistakes in this process, at least 5 as you read above, come on!  He claims I broke the contract and won't tell me how. I did no such thing. 

Luckily, my father in law and his friend are coming down tomorrow, originally to help put in floors, but now to do plumbing, framing, mold eradication, electric, drywall, and pour the slab on top of the sub floor. Then I can paint and we can hire a highly recommended from a trusted source tile guy. Floors will just be put off for another week or so. Which is fine. I'm just upset about the money. 

So for now, to lower my blood pressure, I'm watching Harry Potter and having a few or so Straw-ber-Rita's. 

Project Renovation

 Will and I just moved to Tyler, TX a month and a half ago. While I should have been blogging the whole time about the process, there are snippets on Facebook that show progress. I have way more before pictures right now than after pictures because nothing is fully completed. But it's getting there. Slowly!

This room is the 'man cave.'  

3! Count 'em, 3! Different types of vinyl tiles!  

It is much more finished now, but it is a mess since Will has started claiming it. Thats why there is not a picture of a fully finished room yet. But with furniture and stuff on the walls it definitely looks like a room that is functional. 

The half bath off of the man cave. 

There was only one layer of wallpaper on these walls but it was really glued on. But now it looks like this. 

The laundry room didn't need a whole lot of work, just paint, floors and organization. And a washer and dryer, but that's not a whole lot of elbow grease. 

It definitely has become a whole lot more functional and lived in in the last week. And there's plenty more to do. Add baskets for organization and some pretties on the wall to soften the blankness. 

The kitchen is by far my most favorite transformation. We decided to keep the existing cabinets but update them with a coat or two or four of paint. We changed out the laminate countertops and backsplash for granite and tile. Luckily, the three layers of wall paper up top can off without any effort at all. We literally just tugged and the whole thing came down. 

See what I mean!?!?!?  It looks a thousand times better. It's not quite finished yet. Needs trim and quarter round to finish it off properly but I love it!

The den or family room whatever you want to call it also had a drastic makeover.  It took elbow grease that's for sure and time. We even had to hunt down an AC vent that got covered with drywall and cut it out after the fact, but it was surprisingly easier than expected. 

With all the wood paneling gone, the brass fireplace insert doesn't bother me as much. Still want to do something about it but its not an eyesore any longer. And the red brick balances all the blue instead of having overpowering reddish browns in a main living space. 

The formal living room and dining room didn't have too many before pictures, because well they didn't require a lot of work. Carpets, up and paint on the walls.  But my what a difference it makes. 

These will probably be the last two rooms to be completed because they are the least used. Well right now they are used for storage of items yet to go in rooms that are being worked on. But as you can see I did add some homey touches. 

The hallway to the bedrooms doesn't require much, but pulling up carpet, paint and flooring.  Only two of which are done. But we did change out the light fixture which changed the look and we figured out how to work the switches. Old houses are wired so weird. 

The guest bathroom has been the headache from hell!!!  Plumbing problems, half assed jobs before us and some of our free labor. But look, a dark, dingy bathroom that should be complete one week from today. This room wasn't demo'd properly, so the reno was patching a half assed job in the first place. We put the tile up ourselves in the bathroom and it looked horrible. We did all the other tile in the house and it looked great, but in this tub, we would've had trouble reselling the house later down the road. 

After all the trouble and headaches this room caused we broke down and hired a guy to redo the bathrooms completely. It is definitely more than I want to pay, but then I always only ever want to pay $50 for anything. But what we are paying is an extremely good price for what we are getting. 

Things are progressing and like I said, in one week we will have a fully functional bathroom while the master bath is being done. That one I can't wait for. 

The office is not close at all to being done but is getting there. First person to label that color correctly will win a high five!!

Like I said, still needs a lot of work. 

This the before of our bedroom but all three bedrooms are the same. So when we get to the guest room imagine the same boring as below. 

Now we just need floors and I need to refinish the nightstands and then DONE!

Guest bedroom:

The master bath looks basically the same just in a bit of disarray. But it is definitely being changed by the end of the month.