AAAAAGH!!!!!

A story from AP Mobile:

Missing Wisconsin infant found alive in Iowa

TOWN OF BELOIT, Wis. (AP) - Police say a newborn missing from a southern Wisconsin home has been found alive at an eastern Iowa gas station. Town of Beloit Police Chief Steven Kopp says an officer checking along an interstate near West Branch, Iowa, found the nearly week-old Kayden Powell on Friday morning. Gas station manager Jay Patel says the baby was found in a closed, gray plastic storage b...

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It's stories like this that upset me me a lot during this difficult time of infertility.  People have children and then lose them like this. You've got to be kidding me. How can such irresponsible people be given lives to care for when there are people like me who want that but can't have it?  Sometimes, this feels like a cruel joke. It feels like the Universe is laughing at me, and I can't figure out what I've done to deserve it. If I don't deserve it then what lesson am I supposed to learn from it?  

I think I might just need a cup of tea now. 

Semi results

I finally heard back from the doctors office today after I called them yesterday. The nurse told me that the doctor was still studying my MRI and that they would call me with the findings as soon as the doctor finished. But they have no idea when that would be, so they couldn't tell me when I'm likely to hear back now. So it was a lot of hurry up and wait. So, we keep waiting. We keep doing what we were doing, and continue trying along the same unproductive path because all the tests we've had run still aren't giving us any answers. It's been 3 months since we first saw the doctor. It's a good thing I don't have a terminal illness. I could've been dead already waiting on doctors to tell me what going on with me. It's only been nineteen months...what's a few more, right?  

Honestly, my biggest scare right now is that it's taking so long because she's finding evidence of cancer. Now, I've been around this disease enough to know that I don't have any symptoms. I have no reason to think that it is a possiblity other than family history and fear. But it is just that...fear. I can't help it. My great grandmother passed of uterine cancer. I have the strain of HPV that causes cervical cancer. I worry that it could be a result of all these tests even though I know better. I worry about the future of my nonexistent family if this is the case. And since I'm just hurrying up and waiting, I'm starting all kinds of hypothetical conversations that really could wait until we are in that particular situation. But I can't help it. 

So maybe soon, I'll have some more answers. Who knows?