I've been saying for a long time now that I'm going to write a book. The title: The Assholes You Can't Avoid.
The premise is that every guy a girl meets is an asshole. He is. Whether he is the brash, douchebag that shows his asshole side up front or the sensitive brooding type that reveal this side until after you truly believed he was different.
I got the idea from two quotes that my paternal grandmother told me at various points in my life. 1) You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your Prince; and 2) Everyone has their own shit. Love is just a matter of finding someone with whose shit you can put up. See, for me love isn't a thing. It' is not a noun that can be searched for or found; love is not an object that can be obtained. Love is a verb. Love is an action that you do.
That being said, the book would be structured into types. You know the types. The Ed Hardy douchebag, the Tap-Out super macho muscle man, the military man, the hipster, the radical politico socialist, the musician, the athlete, the 9-5er, the accountant, the perpetual teenager, the gamer, the geek, the sarcastic know-it-all, the funny guy, the "i'm full of emotions" actor, the Barnes & Noble "I read everything" guy, the blue collar man, Mr. Fix-It, etc... This list could continue on and on, but then I would be putting too much of my book out in the open and vulnerable to thieves.
After describing in detail how each of these "types" operate, I dive in to the philosophy of the book. Yes that guy was an asshole. No you didn't do anything wrong. You are capable of love and being loved. That last part is very important. You can't allow yourself to wait around waiting for Mr. Right, Mr. I'm not an Asshole to show up and not disappoint you. Because he doesn't exist. By waiting for that man, you become an embittered old woman at age 25. The fairy tale of Prince Charming does not allow post modern women their own thoughts. By believing that someday your prince will come, you do not take responsibility for your own happiness. Acceptance of the fact that all men are assholes pushes you in the direction of loving unconditionally.
You will always be disappointed in men because love cannot be found. It can only be experienced or acted out. You can love and be loved or be bitter and disappointed. I want to write the book to encourage women to recognize the love that is around them. It is not a romantic comedy with a climax of declarations of love or a kiss or a wedding. Those three moments are not the objective of lifelong. Acceptance and unconditional love and support are what we all want, men and women.
Well I say all of this to tell you about my night. I watched a movie that got me thinking. We know what the feminist movement did for and to women, but what do we know about what it did for and to men? Our demand for equality created the asshole. Prior to our liberation, there were standards, codes of conduct that society abided by. I'm not saying we should go back to that time of patriarchal imposed servitude. But I am saying we as women should not be complaining that men act so crudely around us. We wanted to be treated as equals, to have no special treatment. Now we are and have none. And we're complaining?
Amazing the thoughts that boredom entices.
The premise is that every guy a girl meets is an asshole. He is. Whether he is the brash, douchebag that shows his asshole side up front or the sensitive brooding type that reveal this side until after you truly believed he was different.
I got the idea from two quotes that my paternal grandmother told me at various points in my life. 1) You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your Prince; and 2) Everyone has their own shit. Love is just a matter of finding someone with whose shit you can put up. See, for me love isn't a thing. It' is not a noun that can be searched for or found; love is not an object that can be obtained. Love is a verb. Love is an action that you do.
That being said, the book would be structured into types. You know the types. The Ed Hardy douchebag, the Tap-Out super macho muscle man, the military man, the hipster, the radical politico socialist, the musician, the athlete, the 9-5er, the accountant, the perpetual teenager, the gamer, the geek, the sarcastic know-it-all, the funny guy, the "i'm full of emotions" actor, the Barnes & Noble "I read everything" guy, the blue collar man, Mr. Fix-It, etc... This list could continue on and on, but then I would be putting too much of my book out in the open and vulnerable to thieves.
After describing in detail how each of these "types" operate, I dive in to the philosophy of the book. Yes that guy was an asshole. No you didn't do anything wrong. You are capable of love and being loved. That last part is very important. You can't allow yourself to wait around waiting for Mr. Right, Mr. I'm not an Asshole to show up and not disappoint you. Because he doesn't exist. By waiting for that man, you become an embittered old woman at age 25. The fairy tale of Prince Charming does not allow post modern women their own thoughts. By believing that someday your prince will come, you do not take responsibility for your own happiness. Acceptance of the fact that all men are assholes pushes you in the direction of loving unconditionally.
You will always be disappointed in men because love cannot be found. It can only be experienced or acted out. You can love and be loved or be bitter and disappointed. I want to write the book to encourage women to recognize the love that is around them. It is not a romantic comedy with a climax of declarations of love or a kiss or a wedding. Those three moments are not the objective of lifelong. Acceptance and unconditional love and support are what we all want, men and women.
Well I say all of this to tell you about my night. I watched a movie that got me thinking. We know what the feminist movement did for and to women, but what do we know about what it did for and to men? Our demand for equality created the asshole. Prior to our liberation, there were standards, codes of conduct that society abided by. I'm not saying we should go back to that time of patriarchal imposed servitude. But I am saying we as women should not be complaining that men act so crudely around us. We wanted to be treated as equals, to have no special treatment. Now we are and have none. And we're complaining?
Amazing the thoughts that boredom entices.
