Matters of the Heart

Am I doing something wrong? I'm 23, hot, smart, and employed. Granted, there have never been guys beating down my door, so I don't really expect that to change. But I would like to know that there are some out there who are willing to want me.


Well ok, there have been quite a few who I have been talking to recently, however, none of them will make any sort of effort to show me that they want more from me. I'm not looking for marriage; I don't know if I even really believe in the institution of marriage. But dammit, I want more than one night. Now none of the fellas I've been talking to have had that opportunity. Hell only one of them is in a close enough proximity to even think about it realistically. But none will make an effort. I want to know that I'm not gonna end up an old maid!


Part of me is perfectly content with how things are. But then there is this voice in the back of my head telling me that I need to find that certain someone and soon. I have some pretty awesome friends, and my family isn't to shabby either. But there is this one nagging voice telling me that the next step is finding the person, and I am a huge failure at doing so. I went to youth tonight to 'help' one of my good friends who is the leader. There one of the girls, who is 12 by the way, was so happy because it's been two weeks and her boyfriend hasn't broken up with her yet. I sadly feel the same way when in a relationship, still at 23. Why does 2 weeks feel like an accomplishment? It's not in the grand scheme of things; it's a blip. But then again I can't even get a date with someone. Why do I feel pressured to find someone now!? Like my life has no meaning without someone else in it. I know it's not a legitimate concern but I sometimes feel that I won't be taken seriously in a job interview for a teaching position unless I have a spouse to mention. Like having someone else around gives me more credibility.


Patience....patience...patience. I'll get there; I just need to get comfortable with my own timetable...whatever it looks like!