Hollywood or real life? Which would you choose?
The romantic comedy or The Bachelor would have you believe that love is caused and becomes strong after a series of awkward moments that lead to a perfectly planned and executed day/evening. The right lighting, flowers, chocolates, a quiet restaurant, a nightcap that leads to something a little racier seems to be the ingredients in the recipe for love and its expressions. Sexy lingerie and high heels guarantee she is in a good mood, and the recipe is baking at high temperatures.
But what about real life? When a real person plans this sort of night, it's possible to make it seamless and smooth, however, it's a lot of pressure when the lighting's not perfect or the chocolates are melted. A real person has a lot to live up to when planning such a night. It takes a lot of coordination and a lot of money and tips to do so. The planner has to hope for the good graces of the host/ess at the restaurant, the cooperation of the hotel, the fickleness of the weather to stay at bay, and an open flame to dance away from flammable materials that may cross its path. That's a lot to think about, to worry about. Thus it puts a lot of pressure on a person to make that Hollywood night *perfect.*
Here's the real life I like. A clean house, a self-cooked meal, candlelight at dinner, soft music playing in the background, a little wine all rolled together makes for a very-low pressure romantic time. What's even better than that, spontaneity. No plans. Take a walk. Have a conversation. People watch. Window shop. Toss a football. There are a million activities that can lead to the most romantic date without the pressure of hitting a mark at a specified time. Go with the flow. The simple activities of building a life together can be some of the most memorable times two people can have, walking the dog together, cooking together, cleaning together, living life together. These are the moments that make a life, that make up a romantic story. These are the moments in the Hollywood mashed up montage.
That being said, Hollywood has ruined dating and relationships. How many people have Hollywood expectations about how a relationship is supposed to develop or how a date is supposed to look, act, feel? No man could ever live up to the team of people that create these scenes. Some women don't necessarily like the fancy wine and dine motif anyway. But we should always strive to recognize the effort given, even if we'd prefer something else. Hollywood is for the rich and famous. The real world is messy and hard. Hollywood has hired hands. The real world has only our tired hands.
The goal should always be to alleviate stress, worry, and anxiety. There is no need to worry about being perfect, because it doesn't exist. So, I charge you, any one who is reading, to go and be imperfect, just love as you be it.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
Auld Lang Syne
As the new year approaches, many others like myself will be writing New Year's Resolutions, reflections and general musing regarding life over the last year. So with that preface, I write my own for your amusement.
2010 came in just as it did the year before that. I surrounded myself with friends and a facade of fun to combat the depression. It worked for a while. I let myself believe a relationship with a friend had the potential to be more than friendship, but the realization of that misinterpretation led to the best part of my year.
I had become increasingly discouraged with my love life. I could get sex when and if I wanted it. I wasn't sad because I wasn't getting any, I was sad because I wasn't finding love. I had friends, family, my youth kids that all gave me a reason to be thankful for those relationships. But I still felt an emptiness inside me. So I joined match.com in hopes of finding love. I had just looked around before, but this time I joined. I perused profile after profile, had become discouraged again by finding maybes, after no's, after hell no's. But then I saw one that made my heart flutter. So I made a move, and emailed this person. To my surprise, I got a response. Little did I know that that response would lead to now.
This New Year's I spent the night with my mother, father, grandmother, and fiancee. That response has become my fiancee. I met the man with whom I want to spend the rest of my life, the man with whom I want to start a family. I met the man who gives me comfort and excitement. With this I resolve to let him know just how much he means to me everyday, no exceptions.
Right as this man and I began to date, my back flared up again. I had not had issues for 4 years, yet this year I had to deal with it again. I went through chiropractic care only to see minimal results. I tried acupuncture for pain and depression to receive magnificent results. This last Christmas I spent the holiday with my fiancee's family doing what they love, skiing. Though I went snowboarding. I loved it. I also crashed and burned big time. I compressed my spine like a bungee cord on a snow drift. I am back to one hundred percent, now, but it was touch and go for a couple days.
My resolution from this is no matter how much my back hurts, I will push myself to every limit possible. I will not let pain keep me from experiencing the life I have been given.
Life is too short to make excuses for not fulfilling your dreams or potential. 2011 is the year to go out and get it. Whatever it is.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
I should be reading
I feel I am always saying those four words. "I should be reading."
Here's the deal. I'm a graduate student working towards my Master of Arts in Religion. Yay! for me right? Whatever. Not Really. The fact is I am still a graduate student in this era. My advisor informed me that my thesis needed to have some novel premise that was worth writing about. And that's were things go south. I am a part of the most jaded generation that has come about, and I'm only 25. What novelty is left in the world? I'm not saying there is nothing worth seeing or learning, but I am saying there are no true discoveries left to be made.
As a student of religion, I am keenly aware that we are currently in a Reformation Era. Every 500 years the church goes through a reformation that ultimately changes the world. Okay the Western world. Around 500 CE(I am using very approximate dates to make a point. If you want true dates, just ask.) the Council of Nicea met to answer questions that regarded Jesus's birth and the trinity. Around 1000 CE the Eastern Orthodox Church split from the Roman Catholic Church. Shortly after that split the crusades began. Around 1500 CE Martin Luther posted his 95 Theses to a door of a church and sparked the split between protestants and catholics. And now around 2000 CE, we are primed for another reformation. The big question is what?
In our society we are arguing over the inclusion of religion in politics, and moving towards a Marxist ideal(much to some chagrin). But is that the reformation that will be remembered? Some say it will be the Emerging Church. "The emerging church is a response to the perceived influence of modernism in Western Christianity. As some sociologists commented on a cultural shift that they believed to correspond to postmodern ways of perceiving reality in the late 20th century, some Christians began to advocate changes within the church in response. These Christians saw the contemporary church as being culturally bound to modernism. They changed their practices to relate to the new cultural situation. Emerging Christians began to challenge the modern church on issues such as: institutional structures, systematic theology, propositional teaching methods, a perceived preoccupation with buildings, an attractional understanding of mission, professional clergy, and a perceived preoccupation with the political process and unhelpful jargon ("Christian-ese")." This is definitely a movement that cannot be ignored.
But is this the novelty that I use for my thesis? While I am a part of this jaded generation, I am also part of the generation that is able to change how the Western world functions for the next 500 years. That's pretty daunting. So for now I trudge on, looking for inspiration, to join the ranks of Martin Luther, John Calvin, John Wesley, and the many others before them.
Is this my calling?
Here's the deal. I'm a graduate student working towards my Master of Arts in Religion. Yay! for me right? Whatever. Not Really. The fact is I am still a graduate student in this era. My advisor informed me that my thesis needed to have some novel premise that was worth writing about. And that's were things go south. I am a part of the most jaded generation that has come about, and I'm only 25. What novelty is left in the world? I'm not saying there is nothing worth seeing or learning, but I am saying there are no true discoveries left to be made.
As a student of religion, I am keenly aware that we are currently in a Reformation Era. Every 500 years the church goes through a reformation that ultimately changes the world. Okay the Western world. Around 500 CE(I am using very approximate dates to make a point. If you want true dates, just ask.) the Council of Nicea met to answer questions that regarded Jesus's birth and the trinity. Around 1000 CE the Eastern Orthodox Church split from the Roman Catholic Church. Shortly after that split the crusades began. Around 1500 CE Martin Luther posted his 95 Theses to a door of a church and sparked the split between protestants and catholics. And now around 2000 CE, we are primed for another reformation. The big question is what?
In our society we are arguing over the inclusion of religion in politics, and moving towards a Marxist ideal(much to some chagrin). But is that the reformation that will be remembered? Some say it will be the Emerging Church. "The emerging church is a response to the perceived influence of modernism in Western Christianity. As some sociologists commented on a cultural shift that they believed to correspond to postmodern ways of perceiving reality in the late 20th century, some Christians began to advocate changes within the church in response. These Christians saw the contemporary church as being culturally bound to modernism. They changed their practices to relate to the new cultural situation. Emerging Christians began to challenge the modern church on issues such as: institutional structures, systematic theology, propositional teaching methods, a perceived preoccupation with buildings, an attractional understanding of mission, professional clergy, and a perceived preoccupation with the political process and unhelpful jargon ("Christian-ese")." This is definitely a movement that cannot be ignored.
But is this the novelty that I use for my thesis? While I am a part of this jaded generation, I am also part of the generation that is able to change how the Western world functions for the next 500 years. That's pretty daunting. So for now I trudge on, looking for inspiration, to join the ranks of Martin Luther, John Calvin, John Wesley, and the many others before them.
Is this my calling?
Monday, August 2, 2010
Post Feminist Musings
I've been saying for a long time now that I'm going to write a book. The title: The Assholes You Can't Avoid.
The premise is that every guy a girl meets is an asshole. He is. Whether he is the brash, douchebag that shows his asshole side up front or the sensitive brooding type that reveal this side until after you truly believed he was different.
I got the idea from two quotes that my paternal grandmother told me at various points in my life. 1) You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your Prince; and 2) Everyone has their own shit. Love is just a matter of finding someone with whose shit you can put up. See, for me love isn't a thing. It' is not a noun that can be searched for or found; love is not an object that can be obtained. Love is a verb. Love is an action that you do.
That being said, the book would be structured into types. You know the types. The Ed Hardy douchebag, the Tap-Out super macho muscle man, the military man, the hipster, the radical politico socialist, the musician, the athlete, the 9-5er, the accountant, the perpetual teenager, the gamer, the geek, the sarcastic know-it-all, the funny guy, the "i'm full of emotions" actor, the Barnes & Noble "I read everything" guy, the blue collar man, Mr. Fix-It, etc... This list could continue on and on, but then I would be putting too much of my book out in the open and vulnerable to thieves.
After describing in detail how each of these "types" operate, I dive in to the philosophy of the book. Yes that guy was an asshole. No you didn't do anything wrong. You are capable of love and being loved. That last part is very important. You can't allow yourself to wait around waiting for Mr. Right, Mr. I'm not an Asshole to show up and not disappoint you. Because he doesn't exist. By waiting for that man, you become an embittered old woman at age 25. The fairy tale of Prince Charming does not allow post modern women their own thoughts. By believing that someday your prince will come, you do not take responsibility for your own happiness. Acceptance of the fact that all men are assholes pushes you in the direction of loving unconditionally.
You will always be disappointed in men because love cannot be found. It can only be experienced or acted out. You can love and be loved or be bitter and disappointed. I want to write the book to encourage women to recognize the love that is around them. It is not a romantic comedy with a climax of declarations of love or a kiss or a wedding. Those three moments are not the objective of lifelong. Acceptance and unconditional love and support are what we all want, men and women.
Well I say all of this to tell you about my night. I watched a movie that got me thinking. We know what the feminist movement did for and to women, but what do we know about what it did for and to men? Our demand for equality created the asshole. Prior to our liberation, there were standards, codes of conduct that society abided by. I'm not saying we should go back to that time of patriarchal imposed servitude. But I am saying we as women should not be complaining that men act so crudely around us. We wanted to be treated as equals, to have no special treatment. Now we are and have none. And we're complaining?
Amazing the thoughts that boredom entices.
The premise is that every guy a girl meets is an asshole. He is. Whether he is the brash, douchebag that shows his asshole side up front or the sensitive brooding type that reveal this side until after you truly believed he was different.
I got the idea from two quotes that my paternal grandmother told me at various points in my life. 1) You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your Prince; and 2) Everyone has their own shit. Love is just a matter of finding someone with whose shit you can put up. See, for me love isn't a thing. It' is not a noun that can be searched for or found; love is not an object that can be obtained. Love is a verb. Love is an action that you do.
That being said, the book would be structured into types. You know the types. The Ed Hardy douchebag, the Tap-Out super macho muscle man, the military man, the hipster, the radical politico socialist, the musician, the athlete, the 9-5er, the accountant, the perpetual teenager, the gamer, the geek, the sarcastic know-it-all, the funny guy, the "i'm full of emotions" actor, the Barnes & Noble "I read everything" guy, the blue collar man, Mr. Fix-It, etc... This list could continue on and on, but then I would be putting too much of my book out in the open and vulnerable to thieves.
After describing in detail how each of these "types" operate, I dive in to the philosophy of the book. Yes that guy was an asshole. No you didn't do anything wrong. You are capable of love and being loved. That last part is very important. You can't allow yourself to wait around waiting for Mr. Right, Mr. I'm not an Asshole to show up and not disappoint you. Because he doesn't exist. By waiting for that man, you become an embittered old woman at age 25. The fairy tale of Prince Charming does not allow post modern women their own thoughts. By believing that someday your prince will come, you do not take responsibility for your own happiness. Acceptance of the fact that all men are assholes pushes you in the direction of loving unconditionally.
You will always be disappointed in men because love cannot be found. It can only be experienced or acted out. You can love and be loved or be bitter and disappointed. I want to write the book to encourage women to recognize the love that is around them. It is not a romantic comedy with a climax of declarations of love or a kiss or a wedding. Those three moments are not the objective of lifelong. Acceptance and unconditional love and support are what we all want, men and women.
Well I say all of this to tell you about my night. I watched a movie that got me thinking. We know what the feminist movement did for and to women, but what do we know about what it did for and to men? Our demand for equality created the asshole. Prior to our liberation, there were standards, codes of conduct that society abided by. I'm not saying we should go back to that time of patriarchal imposed servitude. But I am saying we as women should not be complaining that men act so crudely around us. We wanted to be treated as equals, to have no special treatment. Now we are and have none. And we're complaining?
Amazing the thoughts that boredom entices.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
my soul's journey
To let go of the fear and anger which imprisons my heart,
To relinquish all childish expectations and live joyfully in the world as it is - not as I wish or imagine it to be,
To be free of the always craven and ever-craving ego,
To be released from the endless hungers of the body,
To see God in others,
To see God in everything,
To die without death and merge the conscientiousness into the cosmic sea of bliss from which it came,
This is my soul's journey.
To relinquish all childish expectations and live joyfully in the world as it is - not as I wish or imagine it to be,
To be free of the always craven and ever-craving ego,
To be released from the endless hungers of the body,
To see God in others,
To see God in everything,
To die without death and merge the conscientiousness into the cosmic sea of bliss from which it came,
This is my soul's journey.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Happiness is...
I've found so many quotes recently that have spoken to my reawakened heart. Jane Austen wrote in Sense and Sensibility, "It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy;-- it is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others." I also found, "Be so happy that when others look at you they become happy too."
If you haven't caught on yet, I am in love. I have only been dating this man for almost two months, but it feels as though it has been a lifetime, and we have the opportunity to spend another lifetime together. Wow! I just read that back to myself and realize how uncharacteristic that statement is of me. I think I've found the man I am going to marry.
I can tell him anything that is on my mind. I can be a dork, nerd, weirdo around him. He also makes me want to be the sexiest I can, just for him. He's ambitious, compassionate, helpful, brilliant, dependable, humble, and giving. He fits the bill, both mine and the one my cousins gave me. He's tall, handsome, smart, has a nice smile, is completely into me, strong physically and emotionally, attends church, and the fact that he's in medical school doesn't hurt at all. My cousins required that my future spouse/partner/etc... be tall, athletic, smart, smart ass, out-spoken, and a poker player. Again, I say, he fits both bills.
Because of him, I want to achieve more. I want to do good in the world, and I feel like I can now. I know I could before, but now it's like the possibilities and opportunities are endless. My mind never strays far from him. I am bewitched, bothered, and bewildered in the most wonderful sort of way.
If you haven't caught on yet, I am in love. I have only been dating this man for almost two months, but it feels as though it has been a lifetime, and we have the opportunity to spend another lifetime together. Wow! I just read that back to myself and realize how uncharacteristic that statement is of me. I think I've found the man I am going to marry.
I can tell him anything that is on my mind. I can be a dork, nerd, weirdo around him. He also makes me want to be the sexiest I can, just for him. He's ambitious, compassionate, helpful, brilliant, dependable, humble, and giving. He fits the bill, both mine and the one my cousins gave me. He's tall, handsome, smart, has a nice smile, is completely into me, strong physically and emotionally, attends church, and the fact that he's in medical school doesn't hurt at all. My cousins required that my future spouse/partner/etc... be tall, athletic, smart, smart ass, out-spoken, and a poker player. Again, I say, he fits both bills.
Because of him, I want to achieve more. I want to do good in the world, and I feel like I can now. I know I could before, but now it's like the possibilities and opportunities are endless. My mind never strays far from him. I am bewitched, bothered, and bewildered in the most wonderful sort of way.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Home
As you can tell, I don't write very often on this blog. I typically only write when I feel there is a burden that needs lifting. I've just gotten really good at decompressing everything. Either that or I just forget about it and let everything inside of me fester until I have this unwanted wound that needs to release its puss. Attractive, I know. At this moment in time I really don't have anything to vent about. Yesterday or the day before, oh man did I have a bone to pick with someone. But now today when I have the opportunity to vent about it, I'm already over it. It really makes it difficult to complain to the proper outlets who need to know customer grievances.
Thursday last week, I was in Washington Reagan to fly home. But upon arriving we found out that our flight to Dallas was cancelled. So we tried to find any other connecting flights. We tried for Chicago, so if we ended up stranded we'd at least be able to visit Cole. But that didn't work. So we opted to fly to St. Louis and then on to Wichita, KS where my dad was going to pick us up. Well, we got through all the high security bull shit and go hang out in the terminal until our flight. Well, while waiting our flight is delayed. And delayed again. It was delayed a total of 11 times. At one point our delays finally ceased and we had a definite time of departure. When the plane landed in DC, we were informed that our flight that we had waited for 10 hours was cancelled. But all was not lost.
While we were waiting, I was watching the news, and someone sat down next to me. Now I almost always make friends at some point in time on a trip, in the airport, on the plane, in the queue, etc.. but somehow this time was different. Shortly after the guy sat down I just began talking. About nothing in particular, but it was still different. We ended up talking for something like 4 hours, and I was really sad to see his flight on time. I know it was selfish, but it's true. We had grabbed a couple of beers and continued our conversation right up until he got on the flight. I gave him my full name and number saying if he ever made it through Oklahoma to give me a call.
Well things have gone well since then. He's coming to see me, to float the river with my friends and I. I'm kinda nervous and excited. He changed his vacation plans for me. I've not known anyone to do that.
Thursday last week, I was in Washington Reagan to fly home. But upon arriving we found out that our flight to Dallas was cancelled. So we tried to find any other connecting flights. We tried for Chicago, so if we ended up stranded we'd at least be able to visit Cole. But that didn't work. So we opted to fly to St. Louis and then on to Wichita, KS where my dad was going to pick us up. Well, we got through all the high security bull shit and go hang out in the terminal until our flight. Well, while waiting our flight is delayed. And delayed again. It was delayed a total of 11 times. At one point our delays finally ceased and we had a definite time of departure. When the plane landed in DC, we were informed that our flight that we had waited for 10 hours was cancelled. But all was not lost.
While we were waiting, I was watching the news, and someone sat down next to me. Now I almost always make friends at some point in time on a trip, in the airport, on the plane, in the queue, etc.. but somehow this time was different. Shortly after the guy sat down I just began talking. About nothing in particular, but it was still different. We ended up talking for something like 4 hours, and I was really sad to see his flight on time. I know it was selfish, but it's true. We had grabbed a couple of beers and continued our conversation right up until he got on the flight. I gave him my full name and number saying if he ever made it through Oklahoma to give me a call.
Well things have gone well since then. He's coming to see me, to float the river with my friends and I. I'm kinda nervous and excited. He changed his vacation plans for me. I've not known anyone to do that.
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