I should be reading

I feel I am always saying those four words.  "I should be reading."  


Here's the deal.  I'm a graduate student working towards my Master of Arts in Religion.  Yay! for me right? Whatever.  Not Really.  The fact is I am still a graduate student in this era.  My advisor informed me that my thesis needed to have some novel premise that was worth writing about.  And that's were things go south.  I am a part of the most jaded generation that has come about, and I'm only 25.  What novelty is left in the world?  I'm not saying there is nothing worth seeing or learning, but I am saying there are no true discoveries left to be made.  


As a student of religion, I am keenly aware that we are currently in a Reformation Era.  Every 500 years the church goes through a reformation that ultimately changes the world.  Okay the Western world.  Around 500 CE(I am using very approximate dates to make a point.  If you want true dates, just ask.) the Council of Nicea met to answer questions that regarded Jesus's birth and the trinity.  Around 1000 CE the Eastern Orthodox Church split from the Roman Catholic Church.  Shortly after that split the crusades began.  Around 1500 CE Martin Luther posted his 95 Theses to a door of a church and sparked the split between protestants and catholics.  And now around 2000 CE, we are primed for another reformation.  The big question is what?  


In our society we are arguing over the inclusion of religion in politics, and moving towards a Marxist ideal(much to some chagrin).  But is that the reformation that will be remembered?  Some say it will be the Emerging Church.  "The emerging church is a response to the perceived influence of modernism in Western Christianity. As some sociologists commented on a cultural shift that they believed to correspond to postmodern ways of perceiving reality in the late 20th century, some Christians began to advocate changes within the church in response. These Christians saw the contemporary church as being culturally bound to modernism. They changed their practices to relate to the new cultural situation. Emerging Christians began to challenge the modern church on issues such as: institutional structures, systematic theology, propositional teaching methods, a perceived preoccupation with buildings, an attractional understanding of mission, professional clergy, and a perceived preoccupation with the political process and unhelpful jargon ("Christian-ese")."  This is definitely a movement that cannot be ignored.


But is this the novelty that I use for my thesis?  While I am a part of this jaded generation, I am also part of the generation that is able to change how the Western world functions for the next 500 years.  That's pretty daunting.  So for now I trudge on, looking for inspiration, to join the ranks of Martin Luther, John Calvin, John Wesley, and the many others before them.  


Is this my calling?

Post Feminist Musings

I've been saying for a long time now that I'm going to write a book. The title: The Assholes You Can't Avoid.


The premise is that every guy a girl meets is an asshole. He is. Whether he is the brash, douchebag that shows his asshole side up front or the sensitive brooding type that reveal this side until after you truly believed he was different.


I got the idea from two quotes that my paternal grandmother told me at various points in my life. 1) You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your Prince; and 2) Everyone has their own shit. Love is just a matter of finding someone with whose shit you can put up. See, for me love isn't a thing. It' is not a noun that can be searched for or found; love is not an object that can be obtained. Love is a verb. Love is an action that you do.


That being said, the book would be structured into types. You know the types. The Ed Hardy douchebag, the Tap-Out super macho muscle man, the military man, the hipster, the radical politico socialist, the musician, the athlete, the 9-5er, the accountant, the perpetual teenager, the gamer, the geek, the sarcastic know-it-all, the funny guy, the "i'm full of emotions" actor, the Barnes & Noble "I read everything" guy, the blue collar man, Mr. Fix-It, etc... This list could continue on and on, but then I would be putting too much of my book out in the open and vulnerable to thieves.


After describing in detail how each of these "types" operate, I dive in to the philosophy of the book. Yes that guy was an asshole. No you didn't do anything wrong. You are capable of love and being loved. That last part is very important. You can't allow yourself to wait around waiting for Mr. Right, Mr. I'm not an Asshole to show up and not disappoint you. Because he doesn't exist. By waiting for that man, you become an embittered old woman at age 25. The fairy tale of Prince Charming does not allow post modern women their own thoughts. By believing that someday your prince will come, you do not take responsibility for your own happiness. Acceptance of the fact that all men are assholes pushes you in the direction of loving unconditionally.


You will always be disappointed in men because love cannot be found. It can only be experienced or acted out. You can love and be loved or be bitter and disappointed. I want to write the book to encourage women to recognize the love that is around them. It is not a romantic comedy with a climax of declarations of love or a kiss or a wedding. Those three moments are not the objective of lifelong. Acceptance and unconditional love and support are what we all want, men and women.


Well I say all of this to tell you about my night. I watched a movie that got me thinking. We know what the feminist movement did for and to women, but what do we know about what it did for and to men? Our demand for equality created the asshole. Prior to our liberation, there were standards, codes of conduct that society abided by. I'm not saying we should go back to that time of patriarchal imposed servitude. But I am saying we as women should not be complaining that men act so crudely around us. We wanted to be treated as equals, to have no special treatment. Now we are and have none. And we're complaining?


Amazing the thoughts that boredom entices.

my soul's journey

To let go of the fear and anger which imprisons my heart,
To relinquish all childish expectations and live joyfully in the world as it is - not as I wish or imagine it to be,
To be free of the always craven and ever-craving ego,
To be released from the endless hungers of the body,
To see God in others,
To see God in everything,
To die without death and merge the conscientiousness into the cosmic sea of bliss from which it came,
This is my soul's journey.

Happiness is...

I've found so many quotes recently that have spoken to my reawakened heart. Jane Austen wrote in Sense and Sensibility, "It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy;-- it is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others."  I also found, "Be so happy that when others look at you they become happy too."  


If you haven't caught on yet, I am in love.  I have only been dating this man for almost two months, but it feels as though it has been a lifetime, and we have the opportunity to spend another lifetime together.  Wow! I just read that back to myself and realize how uncharacteristic that statement is of me.  I think I've found the man I am going to marry.  


I can tell him anything that is on my mind.  I can be a dork, nerd, weirdo around him.  He also makes me want to be the sexiest I can, just for him.  He's ambitious, compassionate, helpful, brilliant, dependable, humble, and giving.  He fits the bill, both mine and the one my cousins gave me.  He's tall, handsome, smart, has a nice smile, is completely into me, strong physically and emotionally, attends church, and the fact that he's in medical school doesn't hurt at all.  My cousins required that my future spouse/partner/etc... be tall, athletic, smart, smart ass, out-spoken, and a poker player.  Again, I say, he fits both bills.  


Because of him, I want to achieve more.  I want to do good in the world, and I feel like I can now.  I know I could before, but now it's like the possibilities and opportunities are endless.  My mind never strays far from him.  I am bewitched, bothered, and bewildered in the most wonderful sort of way.

Home

As you can tell, I don't write very often on this blog. I typically only write when I feel there is a burden that needs lifting. I've just gotten really good at decompressing everything. Either that or I just forget about it and let everything inside of me fester until I have this unwanted wound that needs to release its puss. Attractive, I know. At this moment in time I really don't have anything to vent about. Yesterday or the day before, oh man did I have a bone to pick with someone. But now today when I have the opportunity to vent about it, I'm already over it. It really makes it difficult to complain to the proper outlets who need to know customer grievances.


Thursday last week, I was in Washington Reagan to fly home. But upon arriving we found out that our flight to Dallas was cancelled. So we tried to find any other connecting flights. We tried for Chicago, so if we ended up stranded we'd at least be able to visit Cole. But that didn't work. So we opted to fly to St. Louis and then on to Wichita, KS where my dad was going to pick us up. Well, we got through all the high security bull shit and go hang out in the terminal until our flight. Well, while waiting our flight is delayed. And delayed again. It was delayed a total of 11 times. At one point our delays finally ceased and we had a definite time of departure. When the plane landed in DC, we were informed that our flight that we had waited for 10 hours was cancelled. But all was not lost.


While we were waiting, I was watching the news, and someone sat down next to me. Now I almost always make friends at some point in time on a trip, in the airport, on the plane, in the queue, etc.. but somehow this time was different. Shortly after the guy sat down I just began talking. About nothing in particular, but it was still different. We ended up talking for something like 4 hours, and I was really sad to see his flight on time. I know it was selfish, but it's true. We had grabbed a couple of beers and continued our conversation right up until he got on the flight. I gave him my full name and number saying if he ever made it through Oklahoma to give me a call.


Well things have gone well since then. He's coming to see me, to float the river with my friends and I. I'm kinda nervous and excited. He changed his vacation plans for me. I've not known anyone to do that.

It's been quite a while since I've written anything. It's a beautiful day. The sun is shining; the birds are singing, and the wind is blowing like crazy!!! Gotta love springtime in Oklahoma. It's just a regular day and the winds are reaching speeds of 50 miles an hour. It's ridiculous.


I am so not a writer. That's my brother's job. I just learned he's moving to Chicago in a month. I don't wanna lose my brother! Ok I know I won't lose him but still. It's a big move and if I'm moving to Dallas that's a really long distance. We already don't talk on the phone for any reason. What happens when he moves so far away? I'm happy he's actually doing something. I just don't want to lose touch.


I guess that's really all I have.

Sibling relationships - and 80 percent of Americans have at least one - outlast marriages, survive the death of parents, resurface after quarrels that would sink any friendship. They flourish in a thousand incarnations of closeness and distance, warmth, loyalty and distrust. ~Erica E. Goode, "The Secret World of Siblings," U.S. News & World Report, 10 January 1994